Six silly scenarios you get from MOH’s “learning culture”

by Daniel Yap

MISTAKES have been made, people have died, but clearly the best way to handle a Hepatitis C outbreak-gone-wrong is to keep mum about who did what (assuming the Health Ministry actually knows who did what) and drop some utterly inane reasons for why you’re not saying what you’re not saying. Oh, don’t worry if it looks like you’re trying to cover something up or trying to protect someone important. What every Singaporean should learn from the SGH Hepatitis C tragedy is…

 

1. Not naming is learning

This weekend in the Barclay’s Premier League (BPL), Leicester City recorded a romping 3-0 victory over an unnamed club, putting them seven points ahead of second place Tottenham Hotspur. One of the players, we shall not say who, fumbled the ball on the goal-line to concede, but it was overall poor defending from a couple of anonymous players that cost them the match. When the final league results are out and it is clear that Leicester City are champions, we will not be mentioning Tottenham Hotspur either. This is to foster a “learning culture” among the players and clubs of the BPL. A different unnamed club, sitting at the bottom of the table with three wins, seven draws and 22 losses, heartily supports this initiative by the English Football Association and looks forward to extending this “learning culture” to the lower divisions.

 

2. Think of the “Longer term impact”

LTA today has decided never to reveal the names of drunk drivers, hit-and-run drivers, or drivers who kill other people by sticking needles where they shouldn’t be sticking them hitting them with a car. Not-Health-Minister Kan Yim Gong said:“In deciding what to disclose, we have to bear in mind the longer-term impact on our healthcare transport system, and healthcare workers drivers, and strike a careful balance”. Do you have any idea how much money we collect from road tax, COE, ERP, and traffic fines? Do you want other drivers to start driving safely and responsibly and miss out on all that money? Let’s just tell driving schools to show a few videos before they get their driving licenses, and that should ensure a lifetime of good driving habits.

 

3. “Blame culture” supercedes accountability

Okay class, for moral education today, let’s look at the case of -NAME REDACTED- who made a mistake – a serious “personal indiscretion”. He is no longer at his job because he is off somewhere vaguely learning something and we have to go elect someone else to replace him. So what this -NAME REDACTED- did… we don’t want to blame him, because, really, it is a learning opportunity for him, for us, for his family, for the woman he was fooling around with… oops, did I reveal too much? Hey, don’t go around spreading this information now – we don’t want a “blame culture” where people are held accountable blamed for the many deaths personal indiscretions they are responsible for. -NAME REDACTED- is blameless, do you hear!? He’s just learning…

 

4. “Pain and regret” are worse than publicity

Today in court, a person, whom we shall not identify as a man or a woman, and frankly we are concerned that we are revealing too much by calling him/her a “person” in the first place, pleaded guilty to aggravated assault of Mr Ai Tio Pah, 74 (yes, we can name the victims). The assault was unprovoked and happened in the geriatric ward of SGH, resulting in some blood stains on the walls (still not cleaned). The assailant will not have his/her name on record since he/she feels bad about the whole incident and will have to live with it for the rest of his/her life. “Pain and regret” are the greatest punishment we can dish out and frankly we don’t want to diminish all that “pain and regret” by actually naming the mysterious assailant, good gracious, no.

 

5. What to do when you can’t pinpoint a culprit

Twenty cats are dead in Yishun but because so many people walked past their rotting carcasses, we can’t be sure exactly who did or did not do what to them before or after they were dead. Hence Yishun Town Council has seen fit to mete out light punishment to the cleaning supervisors and the neighbourhood watch for not having a better grip on carcass collection and carcass reporting. A special event will be held at the Blk 642 amphitheatre on Sunday at 5pm. The individuals will have paper bags placed over their heads to protect their identities as our MP sternly castigates them, clucks his tongue, and wags his finger in their faces. Light refreshments will be served. The MP will then put a paper bag over his own head.

 

6. “Better care for patients” trumps… everything

A serial rapist need not be named because naming him “will not result in better care for patients rape victims”. Because justice is all about getting better care for victims/future victims and not about letting people know it is not a good idea to ignore vaccination procedures and reporting standards commit crimes. We have Cardboard Constable for crime deterrence, much like the posters in hospital waiting areas and SOP manuals. No rapist would dare commit a crime with Cardboard Constable’s outstretched Hand of the Law and creepy eyes following them around.

 

Featured Image by Sean Chong.

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The post Six silly scenarios you get from MOH’s “learning culture” appeared first on The Middle Ground.

- Daniel Yap